People we choose to have in our lives vs toxic ones that were born siblings… there is a choice

My parents made a choice to have children and had 5 daughters within 10 years. We all grew up in the same household, with mostly the same rules. As a product of the 50’s and 60’s life was very interesting in the early years…Living in a 3 generation house, Grandparents, Mom and Dad and sisters, Dogs and a cat. On the outside we looked good, but on the inside it was not always the best.

We actually moved from Connecticut to Ft. Lauderdale, FL and after about 6 years we moved back to Connecticut to care for my grandparents who were going to loose their home. Both my parents were very heavy drinkers as were all there friends, so there were always parties at someones house for each of the holidays and as a kid we did have a lot of fun with extended family or so it was back in the day.  My grandfather was also a drinker and on many occasions was hitting the sauce a bit much, but as children we really didn’t have a clue. Life of the middle class. Playing with neighbor hood kids.

I had one of the most difficult times growing up in those years, the late 50’s and early 60’s were formative for me. Sit-in’s, Nixon, Vietman, the war on Drugs, girls burning their bra, WOW, and so much more.  Music was even changing the world.

Getting back to the siblings part. I have a sister 18 months younger than me and then one 5 years younger, then 2 who were born 10 years younger. Just to give a little back-ground.  Not sure I can remember a lot of the early days of us growing up but we had some great times and fun as kids. When we moved back to CT, I was totally upset I really wanted to live in Florida because my friends were there and I was happy in Lauderdale, really didn’t know anything different. But moving to New England was a bit of a culture shock for this child. I spoke with a southern accent and really didn’t fit in our new town. I resorted to lieing, cheating and stealing to get attention. I got a lot of negative attention to say the least. I am guessing this is where my life changed for me in those early days.  My sister was the “good” child and my mom’s favorite. I on the other hand was the black sheep so to speak. So I got in trouble for everything, I became an addict and drunk and was very lucky to have found recovery at an early age. AA saved my life and helped me become a better person, though it took years of learning how to act and dress like a lady. Today I know I was very blessed by having awesome women in my life.

In prospective I can see why the dynamics of my family are the way they are today. I haven’t spoken to one for almost 40 years and the 2 youngest I have no desire to share any part of my life with. They have become people I don’t like, and I don’t allow negative people in my life today. The middle sister and I have a lot in common we share the good times as well as some of the bad, she is a bit of a loner, but I am guessing that is some of the way she used to protect herself for the craziness of our family dynamics. Plus she was really lucky to have moved far away from the workings of my sisters.  I also left the north and moved back to the south near my mom and dad, but always independent and there to help if needed. I guess that is the oldest daughters job to help when needed.

I do have and am a very blessed lady to have some really awesome friends in my life. I think people come into your life for a reason, a season or a life time.  I am blessed so far to have a few that have been in my life for almost a life time. and one who has been my chosen sister for the last almost 20 years.

to be continues…..

 

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